This past week I have been feeling pretty unsettled and have been covertly hiding my anxiety from my family. Anna’s levels have been unusually high and excursions aplenty which then results in me having a shorter temper and perhaps less patience than I would normally have.
I have a really hard time watching the numbers when they are ‘outside the ideal range’ because I have been told since day 1 of diagnosis, that this is what needs to happen to minimise long term complications for my daughter and understandably, this is always in the back of my mind. When I see posts from other people and articles on what their numbers are, I do compare myself as a parent to what others are doing and I am not sure that this is the best way to go.
Anna’s levels at any point in time are a snapshot – her BGL in that that moment, isn’t a reflection of where she was last night, yesterday morning or last week. In that moment of a high number, my brain doesn’t recall the times that her levels are in range. It just clicks in and I am fixated on what needs to happen at that exact point to get her back to where we need her to be. I instinctively want to act but I have found that managing Type 1 requires a different approach.
This is such a long journey for Anna and us as a family. I need to try and take a moment to think about where she is currently at. I need to think about whether her current basal percentage is on target, are her insulin to carb ratio’s appropriate or has she grown? When did we last have a closer look at ratio’s and talk to the clinic about possible adjustments? There are other ways to ensure we are managing the insulin dosages and just giving a correction perhaps isn’t the best solution every time.
Obviously, a low requires urgent attention and that is a whole different ballgame.
What I am trying to say is that, managing a Type 1 diagnosis is really difficult and is an imperfect science. Whether you are a parent or carer of a child with T1D or you yourself live with T1D, it is not an easy job – we need to be able to micro manage but also see the bigger picture. Whether you are on a pump or MDI, things change, life moves on and hormones happen. Sometimes levels leave you scratching your head and it’s all part and parcel – we are all facing challenges in ‘trying to be a pancreas’.
What I will say however, is that we can choose a different approach to Type 1 management. We can decide in those moments of utter dismay to take a breath, take a moment and think if there is something you may not have considered, is there a trend, a pattern or is it just one of those days? Did I under bolus, did I over bolus, what would I do differently next time?
Don’t knee jerk your response, don’t blame yourself or feel like it’s just too hard. You have got this, we have all got this. We just need a minute to think things through.